My darling bride was going to seek out a guest blogger for this post while we are away on a little weekend getaway, but I offered to fill in. She should have found someone else, as you can see from my work below
First off, no ee cummings from me; what I lack in artistic and literary ability I make up for with proper punctuation and syntax. Enough rambling!! I am a bit perplexed about what to do, as I fear coming off as a caveman. Which I am. So, here it goes; I will share with you some things I hold dear, and share with you some of the rules I live by (which all men should immediately adopt). I mostly refuse to use the term "I heart."
Rules to live by (things I "heart"):
1. Men should never wear designer jeans; denim should not cost more than $70, and should have no "fancy pocket" designs. This means Levi's for men, and nothing else. If you want to spend less on jeans, fine; it just means you don't care you look like a goof. If you spend more, it is because you do care, and think you look virile in jeans with flaps or thunderbirds on the pockets. You are very wrong.
Nice on the left. On the right, completely unacceptable.
Don't get me started on adults that wear professional sports team jerseys.
2. I don't like hard alcohol, except an occasional margarita (on the rocks, with salt). Anything stronger than beer or wine tastes like the inside of a shoe, and only serves to get you drunk. Once you move past 30, you don't need alcohol to make you feel good. I do love me some beer though! Here is where you find the best in Portland, which pretty much means the best in the world; check it out.
3. I don't care about clothes, but I am crazy about outerwear; I have about 20 jackets, and always want more.
4. Bikes- I am a total nut. In Portland, the number of custom bike builders is insane; they create art you can ride. I really don't like fixed gears, tall bikes, and penny farthings though; what are they trying to prove? If you like bikes, you must check out this; very funny.
5. Street food; I hate to say it, but I was way out in front on this; it seems to be all the rage now. If you are scared of street meat, consider this; with limited storage space, street vendors must use fresher ingredients. Ok, I made that part up, but it makes sense and could very well be true. I do know they operate under the same health code requirements. Seriously, a $1.25 taco? Who could say no to that?
My mouth is watering......
6. I am in the minority of American men in that I really like cats; why wouldn't you like an animal that doesn't "need" you all the time? Plus they seem cleaner than dogs. I like dogs as well, but not small dogs as a rule. Mutts are more my speed.
7. It is better to have one male friend that you would jump in front of a train for than 100 that you just enjoy hanging out with.
8. Since B was born, Christmas is a really, really, cool time of year. We adults lose our sense of wonder and children help us recapture it.
9. I can't tell you how much I like coffee; any time of day, any temperature. If you are in PDX, go to Ristretto.
10. I talk A LOT; in spite of this, the sign of a true soul mate is the ability to enjoy another's company without saying a word. I'm pretty sure I've found one. Maybe not as sure as South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, but close. I've never been to Argentina though.
11. I have a great idea for all the men that may read this; here is the world's most perfect man conversation to have; it involves a game called "When Animals Fight." The rules are as follows: pick two or more different creatures and a very specific scenario; e.g., a polar bear and a great white shark, fight to the death in 3 feet of water. Click here for the clear winner. The internet is full of rumors to the contrary, but they have no validity. Go at it. The only rule is you have to be able to clearly state your case. Hours can fly by when fully engaged, and the scenarios can get pretty crazy (great horned owl versus alley cat in a 12'x12' room with a dining room chair in the corner anyone?)
Enough. I hope all of you in the U.S. enjoy the holiday weekend.
Cheers,
K
